Is it just me or is the jug the greatest musical instrument? You know you get hooch in those things?

I know you've heard this before Homer, but that was a brilliant idea! Who would have thought that all you have to do when you got a big test to study for is hide under some coats and hope everything will work out ok. That's brilliant!

Them Eat-more bars is tasty!

I wish everyone would stop picking on Otto Man, we can't all be physicists.

Why are we spending so much money on gojng to the moon. Don't they know yet that it's made of green cheese?

One listen to Box-car Willie you'll be hooked, just like me. He's done for the accordian what Jimmy Hendrix did for the guitar. Fly on, sweet angel!

Someone told me once that my Beatles' "White" album was worth something. It sure was! These guys that live around the bend gave a half-eaten Eat-more bar and a cigar band for it.

The more I think about it the more I like pencils.

When that X-Files movie comes out I hope that they finally answer the question everyone is wondering about: have Mulder and Scully ever eaten Sloppy Joes in bed together.

The other day I got a letter that came through the my window attatched to a rock. I took the rock and threw it out the window again and said, "Fly on, you flying rock. Be free!"

I was walking down the street one day when a limousine pulled up beside me. Some big guys with square shoulders got out and told me to get into the car. I asked, "Where are we going?" and they said, "We're going to sleep with the fishes." Wow, I've always wanted to live under the sea!

When talking to God don't be selfish. Include everyone in your prayer. And when you know God is listening don't say, "Excuse me, do you mind? I was talking to Jesus... So where was I - Oh yeah... A nun walks into a bar with a monkey..."